One mom talks about her journey towards being less selfish.
I never wanted to be a mom. I’m an extraordinarily selfish person who knew I had no space in my life for anyone else, much less for a helpless little one utterly dependent on me not only for the basics, but for their complete and total welfare. Can we say “pressure?”
I stumbled into the job and 4 years later, I’m still stumbling in the job. I’ve noticed something in the process, though. What I once imagined to be a path going up the side of Mt. Everest. It’s actually more like a stone exhilarating down a hill. A ride down the Alpine slide with no breaks, no pauses, only acceleration and interestingly no fear.
I’m definitely concerned with my daughter’s welfare: that she’s eating the right things, learning the right things, making the right growth milestones, getting to bed on time and keeping her teeth brushed. More importantly, I’m concerned she’s learning to smile and to laugh in hundreds of languages, to dance for the light and moon-shadows, to juggle stars.
This life we lead is about very important things like work and success and making money, but more importantly it’s about truly living that life and enjoying that life, every blink and breath of it.
I’m still selfish, and when she’s tucked into bed and the house is silent, I’m horrifically selfish. When she is asleep I do exactly what I want to do and pamper myself with an uninterrupted shower (those “relaxing body washes” are a wonderful addition to a nighttime shower), or curl up in bed with a book, my latest crochet or sewing project, or just fall asleep watching a favorite movie.
But when she’s awake? You bet I’m still selfish. I want to spend all my time with her; I want all her smiles and hugs for myself. I want to hear that fabulous laugh of hers due to something I did or a fun moment we shared. I want all the precious sweet hugs and kisses I can get that come attached to the most blessed words in the world, “I love you, mommy.”
We go to dance class on Mondays, and soccer once a week (she’ll get her first soccer award next week, and I can’t wait to see the joy in her face!). We make space derby rockets and play Slap Jack with the mini-jelly boxes at the restaurant (strawberry is always the Jack. I’m waiting for the day it gets slapped too hard), we sleep in on Saturdays, and have Friday night picnics; on the lawn in the summer, or the living room floor when it’s too cold outside.
I’m still selfish, sure, but now I’m a selfish soccer mom, enjoying every blink and breath of it. Each day, I work a little harder to be a better mom and each day I get closer to being just a soccer mom (with less selfish).