When we give our children a turn at the driver's seat, we are allowing them the opportunity to practice being in control, make decisions, and understand responsibility and accountability.

The days my children received their driver's licenses were scary, glorious days. We all achieved a certain degree of freedom peppered with anxious anticipation. This marked the beginning of adult responsibilities and decisions for my teenagers. In preparation for these important days, I could have put my children in the driver's seat much earlier.

I would have started when they were toddlers, using the term "being in the driver's seat" whenever they made a choice. As they grew, I would have used it to underscore their control in any given task. I would have begun to put them in charge of manageable situations based on their age. By realizing the possible choices involved in specific situations, children begin to understand what responsibility means.

I could have put them in the driver's seat for family decisions. I could have let them choose the menu for a certain day and enlisted their participation in preparing the meal. I could have let them choose the family game for the night and put them in charge of getting the game, setting up and conducting the game, and putting it away. I could have let them assign the family chores for the week and then explain their choices during a family meeting. By being in charge of family affairs, children begin to grasp how their decisions can affect others.

I could have put them in the driver's seat for their own personal choices. Even as toddlers, they could have chosen a particular outfit for the day from a mom-chosen collection. As they grew, they could have chosen from a healthy variety of foods for lunch, favorite books to be read, a bath schedule within a certain time frame, and a bedtime ritual. By choosing their personal preferences, children reinforce who they are and are more prone to following their own self-designed routines.

I could have put them in the driver's seat for helping others. They could have chosen a family member or friend to surprise, and then decided to bake cookies, make a visit, or write a note. They could have chosen a local charity and spearheaded a family project. They could have chosen their own toys and clothing to donate to a shelter. By actively being involved in helping others, children realize their possibilities to make this world better.

I could have put them in the driver's seat and became the passenger. We could have gone to a park and I could have let them dictate the play, with me being the playmate. I could have listened more carefully as they told me what it was like to be them at a particular age. I could have paid better attention when they told me why they chose to wear their hair a particular way, or liked a certain kind of music, or preferred a certain friend. By letting them be the driver in their own life and being a willing rider, we show our children we respect who they are.

Driving Solo Day comes soon enough. By encouraging children to take that early driver's seat allows them to practice being in control, make decisions, and understand responsibility and accountability. When they eventually take those car keys and start their journey toward adulthood, they are dependable and mature young people, ready for the road ahead.

About the Author:

Luanne Davidson is the proud mother of three adult children and wonders what might have been if she had done a thing or two differently. She writes her "Coulda, Woudla, Shoulda" column each Thursday.

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